50 shades of Gibbs rules
by akaeve
Summary: Have you read the book they are calling "Mommy Porn"? Well Gibbs rules just took a twist.
1. Rules 1 to 10

**50 shades of Gibbs rules**

"You look very smiley, smiley, this morning Tony. Do you have a reason?" Ziva enquired looking from over her computer screen.

"I do. I am reading this awesome book, 50 Shades of…..I mean man, to find someone like that who would ….you know do….or be willing to participate in such….to teach to."

"I guess you got past chapter 8 then?" Tim replied, not looking up from his screen.

"Like yes, and 9 and 10 and then…." Tony oozed.

"So McGee you have read this book, that has half the female population of a certain age going goooey goooey…." Ziva now asked looking at Tim in a different light.

"More like goey, goey, I hear, they are calling it "Mommy Porn," Tony answered, fingering his collar, and beginning to blush.

"I would like to say yes I have read…..but I have to say as an author, and fellow writer, it is always best to keep up with the current trends of the public."

"Heard she has sold the book for film rights….man that should be something." Tony now replied, definitely blushing, "Wonder if they need actors."

"But Tony, all this information is, as is said in the book, available on the internet, it is just the looking for it," Ziva responded.

"But the rules and the agreement…I mean come on….would you?" Tony asked now leaning on his desk leering at Ziva, "Talking of rules, where is our grey haired silver fox?" Tony now asked looking about.

"He is in MTAC with the Director," Ziva replied, "Tim this book, what did you think of it really?" she continued.

"To be honest I found it extremely painful to read, I thought the writer girlish, I have read better writings on fan writer archive sites. There are some people out there with very vivid imaginations and sometimes even an Elflord can get embarrassed." Tim continued.

"Wow I must get a low down on these sites then….but continue, McScribe."

"I found some of the comings and goings…..so to speak Tony," seeing the glint in Tony's eyes, "I mean the passing of e-mails so reminiscent of that adolescent espistolary novel by Jean Webster…."

"Daddy Long-Legs…..I too can see that now," Ziva smiled, "And I loved the bit where she says, sorry wrote….and may I quote…'_I have a new unbreakable rule: never, never to study at night no matter how many written reviews are coming up in the morning'."_

"Indeedie Ziva, and then she continues in the letter, '_You wouldn't believe, Daddy, what an abyss of ignorance my mind is; I am just realizing the depths myself. The things that most girls with a properly assorted family and a home and friends and a library know by absorption, I have never heard of'."_

"Wow, I need to read that book too," Tony whispered, "Where can I get a copy?"

"Tony, it was written in 1912 and I am sure your local library will have a copy in the children's section." Ziva continued.

"But hey team, that bit about a new unbreakable rule. She wrote that?" as he watched both Ziva and Tim nod, "What if we adapted Gibbs rules to the book…ever so slightly…it could be fun."

"Yes, but if he ever found out….." Tim replied, "I like working here."

"He won't, "Tony answered, "So who will start with the 1st rule of our grey haired, no silver, salt and peppered Boss."

"Never sleep with someone on the 1st date?" Ziva offered.

"Lame….but the 2nd 1st, I would say,yes, you can't really screw over your partner with someone or even under, but yes over unless that is some new Karma Sutra position." Tony replied puzzled shaking his head.

"Always wear grey gloves at a crime scene," Tim added beginning to smile.

"Rule 3, don't believe everything you are told, check internet sites first," Tony laughed.

"Gibbs Rule number three "Never be Unreachable" well you can't be if you are dangling from a rope." Ziva replied.

"I got rule six, and I'm not going to change it "Never Say You're Sorry" even if it hurts," Tony continued.

"That was bad taste Tony…but good." Tim replied.

"You missed rule 4, so best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself, and never let the cleaner in, to clean." Ziva now continued.

"Or, she did want to tell her room-mate, so I suppose 'The 2nd Best Way to Keep a Secret, or tell one other person, if you must'" Tony added, "She did so want to confide in Kate."

"Now rule 5? Don't waste good….wine, food…..time on." Tim thought out loud.

"Going back to rule 6, what about including rule 42, 'Never accept an apology from someone who has just sucker punched you'." Tony now added.

"Smacked you, I should have said." Ziva laughed.

"You want spanking?" Tony leered.

"Ok, rule 7, always be specific….when you lie…..down with your legs in the air…."

"Tony, that, was a bit near the bone," Tim replied laughing, "But never take anything for granted…you know, when she left him."

"That was the sad bit," Ziva replied.

"Team we digress….rule 9, never go anywhere without a knife, because you might need it to get out of the ties."

"And 10, never get personally involved on a case…..he never slept with the Subs, so wasn't personally involved," Ziva now added looking at Tony and Tim.

"Ok, so 11…when the job is done walk away….I think after Christian had you know" as Tony sort of gestured, "He did walk away…which could bring us back to rule 10."


	2. Rules 11 to 30

"Now Ziva, rule 12, what would you say?" Tim asked.

"Never date a co-worker…they will probably do a rule 4, which is a no-no." Ziva offered.

"I was wondering Tony, could I use rule 13, never involve lawyers, I don't think that is in the agreement?" Tim now questioned.

"What about 15, always work as team? I mean come on you have to work together unless you go solo," Tony laughed.

"Bit crude, Tony, but I like the idea of 16 'If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it' I would if they become too overpowering and dominant," Ziva responded smiling the Ziva smirk.

"Tony we have got to number 18, and I was thinking this, 'It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission', would I forgive you if you hadn't asked first?"

"Ziva, if I asked your permission first you would say no anyway so I would just help myself." Tony replied, "But numero 22…..never bother Gibbs, or anyone in interrogation', that would have been when Christian's mother arrived and he had to stop doing whatever he was doing, and meet her."

"I can't think of rule 23, because Christian only drank wine or water of an evening, and it was Ana that got him drinking tea." Tim reflected.

"Second book Tim, but Tony hasn't got there yet so he may be lost on the ideas I have." Ziva now answered, "Can I go with 27 and say two ways to follow, first they never notice you, second way, they only notice….I was thinking in the second book, when Ana was being stalked and where Sawyer was keeping an eye on her."

"You have read the second book?" Tony now questioned, "Does it get better or worse…if you get my drift."

"I'll let you borrow," Ziva answered.


	3. Rules 30 to 69

"Ok, but where we?" as Tony looked about, and began to wonder, if the bullpen, could be in fact bugged.

"Rule 35, and always watch the watchers? I would say when Sawyer was looking out for Ana," Tim now added.

"Come on guys, that's not fair, I haven't read the second book." Tony wailed.

"You got a better idea then?" Ziva retorted.

"No…..but…."

"But Tony, you can't think of anything, so my turn Tim laughed, "Rule 36 'If you feel like you're being played, you probably are' but I thought, that is what the games room was all about."

"I just had a horrible thought…Gibbs' basement it was full or still is full, of some mean looking tools…..they could be instruments of torture….." Tony began to say.

"Or pleasure….Tony." as Ziva smiled seductively at Tony.

"Oh yes, I forgot, when Gibbs was on extended leave, and you hid in the basement. Tell me where did you sleep and what tools did you find in the drawers?"

"Not telling…..but continuing, he did play the piano, Christian, that is, very well." Ziva added.

"Gibbs got a piano in the basement?" Tony quizzed, "So ok can I have rule 38, 'Your case, your lead' to be dragged like an animal….I would worry about Abby, Tim, just look at the dog collar."

"I'll tell Abs what you said," as Ziva stuck her tongue out at Tony.

"Tony, rule 39, 'there is no such thing as coincidences', but there is, when Christian went out his way to turn up where Ana worked." Tim now continued, "And more than once."

"Which brings us neatly to rule 40…"

"If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are" both Tim and Ziva said in unison, high fiving the air.

"I know and he did make a move to control, so that is a good one." Tony now smiled.

"Which brings us back to 42 which we covered earlier," Tim began to say, "And then rule 44, I'd definitely hide the women…..

"And in the case of Mrs. Robinson, the young boys,….she was definitely a cougar." Tony added,

"She could probably teach us something." Tim whispered raising his eyebrows.

"The best, one, rule 69…." Tony started to say smiling, thinking how it could be interpreted, "I don't think….." not seeing Gibbs approach from the stair.

"Know you don't DiNozzo…..but rule 69….'Never trust a woman, who doesn't trust her man,' yep Ziva knows all about that one don't you Ziva?" as the team remembered Ray…."And don't even say what you were thinking," Gibbs continued as he moved to his desk, removing his firearm from the drawer, "Leave it in your subconscious."

"Wasn't Boss…..wasn't going to say anything, Boss." Tony stammered and spluttered.

"Good, now gear up…and team….I may be Boss yes, but that doesn't make you Subs….and if I think you just did to my rules, what I think you did then, let's say rules 45 and 51. Which are?"

"Clean up our own messes and sometimes you're wrong," they all answered in unison.

"But Subs? I hope, I don't subjugate, as you are not subservient subsidiaries, nor are you subordinates…so stop DiNozzo, trying to be submissive, or I will head slap you. Tim," as he looked at the lad, "Tony, will not subject you to maggots, or to poison ivy, and Ziva, will not subvert Tony for a week. Do I make myself clear? Oh yes, and next time discuss in sub rosa," as Gibbs now looked at the team, who were sitting open mouthed.

"I take it Gibbs you have heard, or read the book we are talking about?" Ziva ventured as she rose.

"Oh yes," as Gibbs smiled, "Holly left a copy…she thought I needed to get out the basement more," as he now looked at the teams faces, "Can't wait for her to leave the third book."

As the elevator doors shut Gibbs could only imagine the thoughts going through his co-workers minds.

The End.


End file.
